This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
