that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
