what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
