I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize