I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
