i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
