I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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