i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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