Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
