Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
