no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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