Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
