I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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