I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
