Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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