So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
