it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
