I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
