Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
