I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
