You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
