I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
