I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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