Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
