Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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