Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize