lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
