....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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