I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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