I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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