I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
