I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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