If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
