She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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