I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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