physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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