the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
