her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
