that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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