i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
