i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
