just come out here and I will go home with you...
Say something about gay babies.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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