that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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