I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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