he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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