You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
