yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
