I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize