If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
