but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
