Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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