Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
