So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
