Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize