i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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