Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
