Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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