i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
