He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
