My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
