yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize