he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You pole danced in your parka.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
