It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
