If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
