Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
