I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
