I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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