I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
